A Void

At the meeting tonight, the President of the club announced that there were two deaths since they last met. When she mentioned my mother's name I got a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach. I hadn't had a reaction like that before. I guess that in a way it isn't real to me yet. I've been so busy with everything. When she mentioned it, it seemed "real". I feel like Mom's been with me through this whole time since the funeral. I know she was with me tonight, and probably smiling down from above because I joined the art club she loved. I still have the weird feeling in the pit of my stomach. I keep busy during the day so it's not been too hard. Last night, I was all alone and began to feel the absence of two of my family members. D. had been so much a part of my life and of course, Mom had been a huge part of my life also. In the past, if I was lonely, or wanted to talk to someone, who do you think I called? Yes, Mom was the recepient of the phone call. Last night I was sitting here thinking, OK, now what do I do? So, what did I do? I went to bed. I dreamed about Mom's death and that maybe she really wasn't dead at all. Her spirit lives on and she lives in my memories of her. I guess this is going to take some time. There is a void there. The evenings are the hardest.