Thinking

We did get more rain today. I also managed to get out of the house for part of the afternoon so I wasn't at home "thinking" all day. Now that evening is here, I've occupied my mind with writing emails and making plans for the future. It will be time for bed before I know it and then the "thinking" comes in the form of dreams.
Last night, after writing a blog, I fell asleep with the computer on my lap. I awoke at 2am still sitting in the recliner with the computer on my lap. I had a 5 hour nap.
Sadness is starting to creep in when I'm alone. I guess that I never mentioned in my blog what was the cause of this sadness. My Mother died on July 28th. She was a big part of my life. I was her caretaker. She was my best friend, my biggest fan and my harshest critic at times. I've been so busy that I haven't let thoughts of being without her creep into my mind until recently. There is still a lot to do so I can still keep busy, but some day, the chores we have now will be done and there will be time on my hands. The moments of sadness and "thinking" which have occurred the past few days may overwhelm me. I suppose that I'll have a "good" cry and release some of the emotion and pain that goes with such a loss. Right now I feel like she is still "with me". As long as I have that feeling I can do what I need to do and carry on. Attending church helps, seeing friends helps, and going to the Prayer Shawl Ministry and the Daughters of Mary also gives me some peace.
I know that this is the biggest loss I've had to experience. I'm going to need support to deal with this one. I plan to spend a limited amount of time alone each day until I can deal with the loss on my own.